Mentor Rehabilitation

Hello Hello! Welcome my first monthly newsletter where I take a deeper dive into one of the many topics that affect our academic lives. This month, we are talking mentor rehabilitation!

Why mentor rehabilitation? Because we deserve it! More on that at the end…

What is mentor rehabilitation? It’s actually kind of easy when your mentor relationship is so dysfunctional that you are ready to quit and replace them. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about that mentor that IS helpful, but also causes problems in a number of ways. That gray zone where you want to preserve the relationship but there are aspects that are getting harder and harder to ignore – that is is our lane in this newsletter. Mentor rehabilitation is about optimizing these relationships.

Now – these are not supposed to be perfect dyads. We are no longer living in an apprenticeship model, a time where folks just followed along trying to be a copycat of successful person. Old news. The new model is that junior faculty should be developing a mentorship team, so that you use a meld of multiple perspectives together to create your own unique career. But there are times when there are aspects of these relationships that aren’t working. And the question is –  How do you get past those aspects, especially when you’re dealing with power dynamics of being junior faculty, of being a woman, and for those of you who are, being the women of color, or a Black woman, on faculty?

How do I know if I need mentor rehabilitation?  Awareness is the first step! I realized I had to include this because we’re so used to suffering, and just dealing with problems in the hierarchy of medicine.  So, here are some signs that you might need mentor rehabilitation:
 
1. Every time you meet your mentor you feel worse about yourself. That should not be happening. In fact I would venture to say most of the time that should not be happening. You should have a mentor that is able to give you critique to help you redirect, to give you even hard feedback and help guide you without making you feel bad about yourself. You can feel bad about decisions you’ve made, but you should walk out of your mentors office with tools and feeling like you have what is needed to make whatever change is required.
 
2.  You have a #problematic mentor. You can have a mentor that is helpful in a lot of ways but also perpetuates microaggressions, or has said things that are very offensive. It’s very difficult to know how you navigate this, because in one arena that mentor is very helpful to you – but in another, they are actually harmful, threatening to your identity, or even to your dignity, in the workplace. So if you’re in that space, YES you need mentor rehabilitation! Girl, you do not have to live with that.
 
3. A sponsorship model that feels exploitative.  A sponsor is someone who doesn’t necessarily give you close guidance, but they publicly promote you, they nominate you for opportunities, and because of them you end up on regional and national committees etc. These people are great – I have a couple and they’re really wonderful. Everyone should have at least one sponsor! However, what I have seen and personally experienced, especially with women in very predominantly pretty male fields or women of color in any field  is that these relationships can start from or move towards tokenism if you’re not careful. Examples: For each person this may look different (i.e. You’re on the cover and in the picture every time they want to showcase diversity; if anybody shows up you get trotted out as a diversity hire…), but it feels the same. And here is when you really know: Your sponsor is happy to put you on a committee for representation and they really want diversity. Great – you get that professional opportunity and can rise to the occasion. BUT, then if you come back having brought up problems or issues you notice because of your unique perspective – i.e. agendas you need to push, changes that need to be made – that sponsor is NOT willing to stand up. Heavy SIGH. You need mentor rehabilitation, okay! You do not have to settle for sponsorship that 1) borders on exploitation and 2) does not come along with any form of real, tangible support.
 
Ok, how do I rehabilitate my mentor?! What does mentor rehabilitation look like? Well, it will be different for each person. It has to be personalized, because there’s no one-size-fits-all. As I say often, I am not out here trying to get anybody fired!!  And – if you value your relationship with your mentor, we don’t want to just burn down all those bridges. It’s a skill to learn how to optimize these relationships from our positions in the institution. Here’s what I can tell you –  what is required pretty much 100% of the time, is a one-on-one direct conversation.  You cannot get around this. How you frame it, how you decide on the timing, and all of the specifics, however, should take into account 1) your own personality and style, 2) your mentors personality and style and 3) the power dynamics in your institution. So, I can’t give a blanket template on what to do, but I offer some general suggestions:

• You have to move to a place where you recognize that you deserve better.
• You have to find the language to communicate how you would like things to improve without threatening your mentor/sponsor.
• You have to be able to clearly articulate what the better version of your relationship looks like.

Sound impossible?
It might – because sometimes we need someone else to believe in us, before we can for ourselves. Especially when you have been settling for too long.

I believe in you! I had to go through this same journey and I did it wrong, before I figured out how to do it right. I know you can do it. 

Issues like mentor rehabilitation are the missing pieces, that often go unspoken, but directly impact the quality of our work…and our ability to reach our full potential. I don’t think any of us worked as hard as we did or as long as we did to have a career where we are…settling. 

Yes, my 1-on-1 coaching program for women of color in academic medicine covers this, and so much more.  Enrolling means you learn the strategies to secure grant funding and maximize your productivity without sacrificing your time, your values, or your joy.  If you want to find out if this is right for you, take action and schedule a next step call with me today!

Peace ya’ll,
Kemi